Finally

It has taken me forever it seems, to come to the realization that it is only me and my husband now.  From the age of 18 until the age of 56 I had kids around me that I was raising and taking care of.  When the last of my kids moved out, my husband and I also moved 200+ miles away.  Living in a house with no youngsters coming and going was not easy.  It was way to quiet and I had to learn to totally entertain myself which I forgot how to do.  Not that I was constantly busy with kids all the time, I had a lot of other things that took my time and I had a lot of friends that I did things with.  When we moved I gave all of that up.  I think that I expected to fill all of my time with my daughter that lived only down the road from us.  We moved to a very small country town, and a much larger yard, front and back, that I was never use to.  Learn from my daughter how I could make a garden... and adding lots of flowers.  Did a lot of gardening for the first couple of years... spent a lot of time with daughter and her family, football games, volleyball games, baseball games, ice hockey... then the grand-kids grew up and did their things... every ones's live got so busy.  The gardening did not fulfill some empty holes.  I just could not get over not having someone to take care of since I had done it for 38 years straight.... I just did not know how to be with myself or with my husband alone.  When Tom and I got married, he married me and my kids, so it wasn't like we were ever alone to start with.  We have lived here since 2002 and this fall, I finally realized that I was finally OK with it just being me and my husband.  I finally accepted that all my ADULT children don't need a mother to take care of them. Not that I would give anything the being living close to all of them to hang out with the them.. and the great grand-babies, but that is just the way it is.