Decision Made

I was going to use this blog as a journal on me and my feelings.  After thinking about it long and hard, I have decided that I will not allow myself to log anything on this blog unless it is happy, silly, funny, etc.  I do not need to burden anyone with what emotions I might be going through at the time.  I am going to work really really hard at handling the negative emotions that I deal with.  So to any family and friends that read this, I apologize for past emotions.

So on a lighter note, when we came home from taking Tom's car in for a complete physical, there was two dogs(labs) running around our yard.  Needless to say our dog Buttons (small dog), charged after them sounding all mean and brave.  They are friendly dogs (I believe that they belong to the local car dealership) and travel the neighborhood on a regular bases.  I just don't understand why people let their dogs run freely like that.  I just thought that it was funny how our little dog ran off two bigger dogs.  

What to do after Winter...

I actually don't mind winter as long as it is not brutally cold.  I do find though that I get anxious when it come right down to the end or around the month of April.  I want to get out there in the yard and start messing around the garden and removing anything that reminds me of winter unless there is a lot of snow around. 

This year I am trying to figure out what to do with my big vegetable garden area.  I am thinking of splitting it in half.  The back half for my vegies, since my husband doesn't really eat them and then using the front half as a play area for my grandkids and great-grandkids.  I will leave the fencing up to keep it in a more protected area and to keep critters out. That means that I am going to have to invest in outdoor play things.  I wish I lived close to all of my babies.... that way I would become a daycare just for my family.  This year I will be picking up Graycen and Parker to bring them up here to stay for a week.  I will involve them with what I can do to make it a fun play area which means we might have to do some garage sales to find things.  I actually starting to get excited about this plan.

Do I Make a Difference?

When raising your children, you work hard and to the best of your ability, to do what you think is right in teaching them.  Hoping that between your lessons, school lessons, and those little growing up lessons that your children grow up understanding what life is general about and succeed in life.  They will continue to learn lesson as they mature, make their own marks and changes in their lives. As a parent, you hope that you make a difference in the lives of your children, but when does that end or does it.  When they finally step away from us to make their own lives, their own family, and their friends.... do we still make a difference or can we still make a difference?  Is it our roll now to step back and just watch?  I know that we will still see them, visit them, hug them, but are we still needed.  I think I have a problem with needing to know that I am still needed.  I am not sure what I would want to be needed for, but I have a problem of feeling left out.  I have no reason to believe that I need to always be there but an occasional contact of wanting to know how things are going and a lunch date would make a world of difference. But.. I know that I am just being selfish.  I am such a baby and obviously love to ramble.  But one of the reasons for this blog is to let out my feelings which for one would make me better and two to let others know how I feel whether they agree with it or not.  Sorry if I offend you with anything that I put here.

Don't understand

I have spent a lot of time and money taking care of my brothers over the years.  Maybe not in the last 3 years, but up until then.  Every time one of them needed help in some way, they always called me.  They didn't ever call one of the other brothers, they always called me.  Keep in mind, I was the only sister in the family, not sure that was it or if they felt I was the only stable one.  I have/had 3 brothers, which I have help in one way or another, some several times.  Don't get me wrong, I love/loved my brothers, but they never showed me that they appreciated any of the help that was given to them.  I have NEVER received from any of them, a birthday card, a holiday card or anything to show that they love me and/or appreciated anything that I did for them.  I have never said anything to them, but I wish I would have maybe I wouldn't feel so alone when it comes to family since there is only 3 of the 4 of us around.  We lost our parents when we were all young. Our father died at the age of 43 and our mother died at the age of 46.  I miss them very much because they never really got to see any of us grow up to be adults and parents.  Not sure if our parents lived longer if my brothers would have been different.